I stare blankly at a screen while it mocks me.
I can not breath out the word that are choking me.
I can not get them on the screen.
Im wresting with my memory,
thinking trying to understand events
of the not so long ago.
But perhaps its better not to know.
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4 comments:
I love your language.The idea of a screen being able to mock you, wrestling with your memory, etc. It's very good.
I just suggest taking a look at your line breaks. Read it aloud a few times, figure out where you pause and what you are trying to get out through this piece. Then hit "enter" where you feel is appropriate.
For example:
I stare
blankly
at a screen
while it mocks me.
I can not
breath out the words
that are choking me.
I can not
get them on the screen.
Im wresting with my memory,
thinking,
trying,
to understand events
of (the) not so long ago.
But perhaps,
its better not to know.
Just play around. It's quite interesting what you can do to a poems meaning just by adding a few spaces and line breaks.
i love this, i love the images associated with 'wrestkubg with my memory' its just so relatable. (ignore my poor spelling please). i do agree with the other commenters comment (haha) about line breaks, especially in the second stanza. i think breaking up thinking and trying would make the poem much more effective.
I love the imagrey you have used in this. It speaks to me in so many ways.
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