masked

Hesitation is the enemy.
To withhold my emotion
locking it in a box from you,
my down fall.

While I was out looking for myself,
somewhere alogn the way,
I lost you.

The pressing of my lips
drew you into
the heart of another.

I put on my shining armor
for you to see.
But under the surface
I want you to know
that you are
my weakness.

I'm sorry Im not
the person you have been seeing.
I wish I could be me
infront of you.
But the wall of words unsaid
has grown too gluntness
to break through.

"Wearing my shoes and waitting on you" this is for my father 1960-2000

Its been 7 years but short by some days
when you made that not so grand
escape from everything and me.

9 years 8months and some days
was the last time we drove away.
As i waved that shy little kid wave.
Asking "please daddy can i stay?"

Looking back through the window
of our beat down caravan.
I prayed you would keep your promise.
and see me that nexy day.

You didnt.
Like the too many times before.

My 6th birthday.
The card that came late from grandma
"Im sorry your daddy just forgot,
you know he's real busy these days."

I used to stay up past
my past bedtime warning.
My shoes still on waiting for the knock.
"its ok mommy daddy's coming this time
he's not lying he's not."
10 o'clock
11 o'clock
Sitting in the chair I fell asleep
waitting for the knock.

7 years ago but short some days
is when I knew,
you would never come
to get me.
No matter how long I kept my shoes on.

4 ways of seeing a card board box

The travel carrier for your
new wirlpool 3000
with french doors and
automatic climet control.
But still far to big to
recycle.

The only stage
for those desprate
to find expression through
pops and locks.

A mystical vessle
capable of carting
a 3 and 5 year old to
the ends of the galaxy.
Then home in time for dinner.

The just good enough-
bed.
For the man with a silver star
and 2 purple hearts.

10 ways of seeing me

A Mess on paper
more so off.
But normal-
at first glance.

Way more that just
another face,
less than the effort
put into.

Bold & forward on the outside
unsure and cowardly
in her room

An emotional quagmire
fighting steadfastly,
only to have medication-
doubled.

Avoids misplacement
and odd number
by all means necessary.

Her worst fear
being lost.

Swirls of color.
Mostly dull grean
and deeps greys.
A single
crimpson block of rythm.
One pair of
almond orbs.
Slightyly off center.

Obscure awkward
and blunt to a fault.

Thinking used as a passtime.
With holding from action
a deciding flaw.

A stone lookign from out here.
In reality
too aware of her weakness to be that
strong.